Rebel Without a Cause
by Jo0natan
Summary: Sirius Black, from Hogwarts to Azkaban and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

**Umm, hi. So new story. I'm so incredibly nervous about this one that it's not even funny. But here it is. **

**Sirius has really been bothering me on and off for the last couple of months and so I finally decided to do something about it. This will be a secondary project to Only the Good Die Young, which takes presedence, so no worries if you're reading that one. But I'll try to update this one every once in a while, whenever Sirius starts poking at my brain. **

**I've always been fascinated with Sirius's life, the Marauders, his family, and the whole pure-blood society. Everybody loves a rebel, right? So this is my attempt to figure out what his life was like. **

**The aim is to get through his schoolyears, then the years before Azkaban, and then the years after Azkaban. Very ambitious, I know, and I really can't promise that I'll get there, but hey, it's worth trying. **

**This was written in two days and I'm horrible at proofreading my stories. The longer I think about them, the worse they become. So apologies in advance for any mistakes.  
><strong>

**This story will contain mentions of child abuse, swear words, alcohol, violence, sex, and anything and everything else that comes with Sirius Black. You have been warned.**

**J. K. Rowling owns all the characters and the world of Harry Potter, so no, this is not mine.**

* * *

><p>"Sirius, get down here!"<p>

A shrill woman's voice shouted and pulled Sirius from his sleep. For a moment he wondered what was going on. He didn't think he'd done anything that would have made his mother shout for him like that. Then he realized. It was the day the Hogwarts letters were supposed to arrive. His eyes widened, and he rose from the bed, now very much awake.

"Sirius!" his mother shouted again.

"Coming mother!" he shouted back, and started pulling his jammies off, trying to find something suitable to wear from the pile of clothes on the floor. Eventually, he found a pair of jeans and an ordinary black t-shirt that didn't smell too bad. Kreacher had once again decided to skip washing his clothes. Next item on the list was socks, but he couldn't find a clean pair. Shrugging mentally, he fished a pair of socks from under his bed. These were probably the ones he'd worn yesterday.

In any other family, it would probably have been okay to go to breakfast still wearing his pajamas, but this was the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and it wouldn't do to go downstairs looking like a "common peasant", not even bothering to dress up properly. Wearing jeans was bad enough and would probably earn him a slap from his mother. Then again, he could go downstairs wearing his best dress robes and he'd still probably get slapped.

Finally finished dressing, Sirius took a final look in the mirror and pushed his fingers through his hair a few times so it didn't hang in his eyes. He prodded gently the black eye he'd gotten from his father the previous evening after he'd asked if he could go to the cinema next week to see the film "Beneath the Planet of the Apes". It had been stupid, Sirius knew, but he'd wanted to piss his father off, after he'd spent the entire dinner slandering every muggle-born employee in the ministry.

He winced as his fingers touched the bruise. Still sore then. Well, nothing he could do about it now. Besides, mother would heal it later today. His cousins and their parents would be coming for dinner to celebrate the fact that yet another member of the family had been accepted to Hogwarts.

Sirius sighed as he made his way downstairs. No doubt Rodolphus would be coming with Bella. They were to be married, after all. Sirius really couldn't stand Rodolphus, and he knew Bella wasn't too keen on her fiancé either. It was an arranged marriage; the Lestrange family was wealthy and had good connections in the ministry. And they were one of the 12 families, just like the Blacks, who were the oldest pure-blood family in Britain. But dinner meant dressing up and speaking properly, or in his case, not speaking at all, for children were meant to be seen, not heard.

At least cousin Cissa would be coming too, and maybe she would show him some new spells she'd learned at Hogwarts. Cissa was 15 years old, and even though she bought into the pureblood bullshit that the rest of the family sported, she wasn't so vocal about it. She knew Sirius didn't always agree with them but she didn't mind. Sirius also knew she was the only one of the family who was still in contact with cousin Andy, who'd been disowned when she'd turned 17 and had gotten married to the muggle-born Ted Tonks. Her name was wiped from the family tree and everyone was supposed to pretend like she'd never existed, but every once in a while Cissa would sneak Sirius a letter from her sister. If their parents knew, they'd both be in a lot of trouble. But it was worth it, Sirius thought, Andy was always grateful that they still kept in touch with her, and even though she didn't say it, Sirius knew she missed her family.

Once Sirius got downstairs, his mother glanced at his clothes and, predictably, slapped him in the face.

"Couldn't bother to dress like a proper wizard, could you?" she asked scathingly.

"No mother. Kreacher hasn't washed my clothes again," Sirius answered, looking down and trying to avoid putting his hand on his stinging cheek.

"Hmph, only weaklings make excuses Sirius. Kreacher!" she suddenly shouted so that Sirius startled. The house elf appeared with a loud crack.

"Mistress has called?" the house-elf said while bowing so deep that his nose almost hit the floor.

"Sirius informs me that you have not washed his robes. Make sure that you do, we have guests coming tonight and it wouldn't do for the heir to look like a filthy _muggle_," Sirius's mother said, and almost spit the final word in her disgust.

"Yes mistress," Kreacher bowed again, and with a sneer at Sirius, disappeared.

"Now then, you have mail," she handed a thick envelope to Sirius.

"Thank you mother," Sirius said and ripped open the envelope. He couldn't wait to go to Hogwarts and get out of the house and his family and his never-ending French lessons and dance lessons and etiquette lessons and whatnot.

Sirius focused on reading the letter. It said everything he expected it to. First, a welcome speech from the Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, a reminder to answer to the letter and confirm his attendance. On the second page was a list of required clothing, including a set of dress robes, which Sirius knew was required for the annual Yule Ball, a list of books and other equipment and a reminder that they could bring an owl or a cat or a toad with them and then the standard warning that first years were not supposed to bring their own broomstick.

"Well, then?" Sirius's mother asked.

"Oh, it's the same as always. Just like Cissa's letter," Sirius answered, handing the letter to his mother.

"I see. You can visit Diagon Alley next week with Kreacher. And please call your cousin by her proper name, it was given to her for a reason."

Sirius nodded. He had known his mother wouldn't want to come with her to Diagon Alley, since she despised spending time with people whose ancestry she couldn't be sure of. Besides, going shopping with your child was _so bourgeois_. Why go, when you could just as easily send the house-elf in your stead?

"Oh and Sirius," her mother continued. "Do try and behave tonight. I would hate it if your father had to punish you again," she said, with a condescending smile in her face.

Sirius almost snorted. _Like you care, _he thought. If it wasn't improper for a lady to raise her hand, his mother would be right there with his father, punishing him for his "wrongdoings".

"Yes mother," he answered, trying to keep the sarcastic edge off his voice.

"Good. Now go get some breakfast, and then I believe your tutor wants to review some things with you?" his mother continued, oblivious to her son's disrespect.

"Yes mother," Sirius sighed. _No doubt I'll be conjugating Latin verbs all day long. Again._ Normally Sirius liked studying other languages but he really didn't see the point of studying Latin.

"It's a dead language. No one speaks it so what's the point?" he had asked his tutor more than once. But since most spells were derived from Latin, he needed to learn it. Sirius didn't understand why he couldn't just learn the spells, instead of the language, but his tutor was adamant.

As he left the room to walk to the kitchen, his mother, who apparently couldn't resist getting one last insult in, shouted after him.

"Stop slouching Sirius, it is unbecoming of a gentleman."

Sirius knew his posture was already perfect, but attempted to straighten his back anyway. It was too early to get in a row with his mother. Besides, he was hungry and didn't want to risk his breakfast by arguing.

* * *

><p>The day passed agonisingly slow, and by lunchtime Sirius was ready to throw his Latin book at his tutor's head. Mr Clegane, who tutored Sirius and his brother in Latin and French, among other things, was a wiry old man in his 80's. He was almost blind, and often couldn't tell one brother from the other, but his hearing was excellent, and if you so much as breathed too loudly during his lectures, it would earn you extra homework.<p>

Regulus, Sirius's brother, had earned a day off because of his good behaviour, but as Mr Clegane finally left in the afternoon, he was waiting for Sirius outside his room.

"Siri, can we go fly in the garden again today?" he asked, even before Sirius had had time to put his book away.

"Nah, Reg, you know we have people coming over today and mother will have a fit if we come in all muddy before dinner," Sirius answered, smiling fondly at his little brother. Regulus was 10 years old, a little over a year younger than Sirius, and adored his big brother. He thought Sirius was the coolest guy in the world, with his jeans and motorbike posters and dreams of becoming an Auror.

Sirius had tried to shelter him from their parents' view of the world as much as possible, but knew he wasn't succeeding as well as he would have liked. Just last week Reg had asked him, if he really thought that Mudbloods should be allowed to go to Hogwarts even though they weren't real wizards and witches. Sirius had almost had a fit, but he'd controlled himself and tried to explain to Regulus that they were all equal and _Muggle-born _witches and wizards had just as much a right to go to Hogwarts as everyone else. But he knew he hadn't succeeded in convincing Regulus. He wasn't sure what to do, really. He wanted to shelter Regulus from the anger of their parents, but at the same time that meant allowing him to keep believing in the same twisted values as they did.

Regulus face had turned into a frown.

"But Siri – ," he whined.

"Not today, Reg, okay? Maybe tomorrow, if the weather stays all right. How about you go ask mother if he needs help with the dinner preparations, okay?" Sirius said to his brother, who sighed in disappointment and then suddenly perked up.

"Do you think Cissa will show us more magic if we ask nicely?" he asked, excited.

"I'm sure she will, but only if she gets to eat first, so if I were you I'd go help with that dinner," Sirius answered, smiling at his brother's enthusiasm.

"She never eats that much anyway," Regulus pouted, but left anyway and Sirius shut the door to his room.

Sighing he sat down on his bed. He really didn't want to leave Regulus alone with their parents for the whole year. They'd fill his brain with all their prejudiced nonsense and then there was nothing Sirius could do to convince him otherwise. He could only hope that once he got to Hogwarts he'd not be sorted in Slytherin and his example would give Regulus the courage to follow in his footsteps.

But it was no help worrying about it beforehand. Eventually it was up to Regulus to choose his own path. Sirius could only hope that he'd choose the right one.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts? Please tell me it wasnt' as horrible as I thought it was. Or if it was, you can tell me that too. <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello? Is anyone reading this? No? That's okay then. Anyway, here's the second chapter.****  
><strong>

**I don't own this. **

The rest of the summer passed in a flash. There had been a big celebration in August because grandfather Arcturus had turned 70. Because Arcturus was the head of the family, and the head of the council of 12, the celebration had been huge and almost all the pureblood families had been invited to the Black Manor in Cornwall. All the families from the council of 12 had been there, as well as some other wealthy pure-blood families, like the Rosiers and the Potters. The leader of the political movement called the Knights of Walburgis had been there as well. He was the last member of the Gaunt family, who were said to be directly descended from Salazar Slytherin himself, and was thus a part of the council. No one knew the man's real name, but he was known as Voldemort, though his followers called him the Dark Lord.

Even though the tensions were high in the wizarding world at the moment, the celebration had been peaceful, and, Sirius thought, dreadfully boring. Voldemort's main agenda was blood purity, and he believed that muggle-borns were beneath pure-bloods. Some of the old families, like the Blacks, agreed with him, and then there were other families like the Abbotts and Longbottoms, who were both in the council of 12, who disagreed with Voldemort's ideas. But Arcturus had asked both sides to put aside their differences for the day so that things would run smoothly. It was like a really big council meeting. Whenever the council of 12 met, political differences were put aside and no one was allowed to raise their wand against another witch or wizard for the duration of the meeting. Arcturus had asked that this be done for his birthday as well, and his wish had been obeyed.

In the past couple of years things had gotten more and more heated in the magical world, and a couple of weeks before the birthday celebration, a muggle-born witch had been murdered in her house. Most believed Voldemort and his followers had done it. There had been a few other killings after that, and there were whispers that Voldemort's followers were now called Death Eaters, and that Voldemort wanted to take over the entire magical world and purge it of those with muggle blood. Families had split, because some believed Voldemort should be made the next Minister of Magic, and others thoughts he was out of his mind. Little by little, fear was taking over the witches and wizards of Britain.

But in the middle of all the tension, it was also time for new students to begin their studies at the magical school of Hogwarts.

* * *

><p>It was the morning of September 1st and Sirius Black had been awake since 5 a.m. He couldn't possibly sleep any more, not when today was the day he'd been waiting for so long. He had packed and repacked his trunk several times to make sure he had everything. He had slipped a Rolling Stones poster that he'd gotten from his uncle Alphard there as well, after his mother had checked his trunk to make sure he had everything. Sirius also had a Rolling Stones t-shirt that his uncle had gotten him that he was wearing right now. He knew his mother would have a fit if she saw it, so he was wearing a green dress shirt over it. Sirius had also saved his allowance for the past year, whenever he'd behaved well enough to earn it, to buy himself a pair of black Chuck Taylors that he was now proudly wearing as well as a pair of black jeans. He knew his mother would never allow him to leave the house looking like that, so he planned to go downstairs as late as possible, so he wouldn't have time to change his clothes before they left.<p>

Despite being only 11 years old, and a pure-blood wizard, he was quite knowledgeable about muggle fashion. They lived in a muggle neighbourhood, first of all, and Sirius's uncle Alphard liked muggles and their music and their clothes, which he said were much more practical than robes. Sirius, who looked up to his uncle more than his father, tried to see him as much as he could, and had thus become very interested in muggle music himself and was always trying to look like the members of his current favourite band.

Deciding that he couldn't delay going downstairs any longer Sirius took a deep breath in preparation to his mother's screaming, put his wand in the back pocket of his jeans, checked his appearance in the mirror and pushed his hair out of his face. _No bruises this time_, he thought and smiled. Sirius had tried to be a good boy and heir for the rest of the summer, only occasionally pranking Kreacher. He had wanted to spend as much time with Reg as possible and he couldn't do that if he was grounded in his room. He also didn't want his parents to take away his wand, which he'd gotten a few weeks ago. He'd already tried some spells with it and had managed to turn the pillowcase Kreacher was wearing yellow. Cissa's lessons had also been very useful and she had taught him a few good hexes which he planned to use in Hogwarts.

Going down the stairs Sirius wondered which House he would be in. He supposed he would be in Slytherin like all his family, but if Sirius was really honest, he didn't want to. He didn't want to spend 7 years living with bigoted and uptight purebloods like his relatives, or Lucius Malfoy, whom Sirius knew from various pure-blood dinner parties and who was the most arrogant piece of shit Sirius had ever met. And Cissa fancied him. Sirius couldn't comprehend it. Cissa was nice and friendly and even though she was a bit haughty, she was _Cissa_. How could she like someone like _Malfoy_, who walked with his nose so high up in the air it was a miracle he could see what was in front of him. Sirius also knew that Malfoy's father Abraxas supported Voldemort, and he suspected Lucius was heading down the same path. He was always hanging with the older kids like Rodolphus and cousin Bella who Sirius knew followed Voldemort. And if Cissa married him then would she become a Death Eater as well?

But there were some good Slytherins as well, Sirius supposed. Uncle Alphard had been in Slytherin, as well as cousin Andy, and they were all right. But still, Sirius would rather not be in Slytherin if he could avoid it. He couldn't even imagine what his mother would say if he wasn't in Slytherin. She would shout at him until he became deaf, he thought. And father would definitely be angry, and that would be scarier, because father usually didn't pay much attention to him, and when he did, Sirius usually ended up with a new bruise or two. But then if he was in Slytherin, Regulus would think that he was accepting their family's views on muggle-borns and Sirius couldn't have that. He wouldn't have his brother corrupted. He would have to be in some other House, preferably Gryffindor, no matter how much it cost him. He would show to Regulus that his mother and father were wrong.

"There you are Sirius, we have to leave now if we are going to make it in time. It wouldn't do for the heir of the House of Black to show up late – _what_ are you wearing?" his mother interrupted her speech mid-rant to take in her son's wardrobe.

"They're muggle clothes. We can't Apparate straight to the platform right, we have to go to the muggle side first? So I thought it would be smart to look like a muggle," Sirius smiled at her mother sweetly, like he didn't understand what he'd done wrong.

"Sirius Orion Black, sometimes I wonder if you have any sense in you. Well, it's too to change now, we have to go. Say bye to your father and brother," Walburga sighed, too used to her firstborn son's antics to properly scold him. Besides, the boy was going to Hogwarts, following in the footsteps of his ancestors. His wardrobe malfunction could be forgiven today.

"Bye father," Sirius said to his father who was sitting in an armchair, reading the Daily Prophet.

"Goodbye son. Don't disappoint me," his father answered, giving Sirius a stern glance, then returning to the newspaper.

"Bye Reg," Sirius shouted upstairs, where Regulus was sulking. He had stayed in his room since dinner the previous evening when he had announced that he wanted to go to Hogwarts with Sirius and hadn't come down since, when his parents had denied him, and told him that such childishness was unbecoming of a Black. Now, however, he seemed to have realised that Sirius was actually leaving, since he bounded down the stairs and launched himself to Sirius's arms.

"Bye Siri," he sobbed into his ear, unwilling to let go of his brother.

"Come on Reg, I have to go so I won't miss the train," Sirius smiled.

"Can I come with you to the station?" Regulus asked, looking pleadingly at their mother, who sighed.

"Fine, Regulus, but only if you act like a proper Black. Look at your brother, you don't see him crying and being all emotional. Be quick then, we must go now."

Sirius, though he didn't show it, was glad that his brother was coming to the station with them. He loved his mother, but because of their different opinions, and the fact that they were both Blacks and thus didn't show their feelings easily, it would have been an awkward goodbye. But with Reg there to mediate, things would hopefully be easier. Reg had yet to master the calm and collected look that some thought the Blacks were born with, and he showed his feelings in public easier than the rest of his family. Though Sirius had to admit that out of the two of them, Sirius was the one who lost his temper easier. Something he had inherited from his mother, no doubt.

Finally they were ready to go, and Sirius and Regulus grabbed their mother's hands. She twisted on the spot and Sirius felt like he was being squeezed through a very tight tube. Finally the feeling stopped, and he found himself outside King's Cross station. They walked in and grabbed a trolley, on which Sirius lifted his trunk. They were drawing some curious looks from the muggles around them, probably because Walburga was wearing robes, but this was the 70's and people had seen weirder fashion statements. Sirius's owl Hendrix, whom Regulus was carrying, was also attracting some attention but they ignored the muggles. Soon Sirius spotted the platforms 9 and 10.

"Now then, Sirius, you go through first," his mother said as they reached the platforms.

"Wait for us on the other side, don't go walking off on your own," she instructed.

"Yes mother," Sirius nodded, then grabbed his trolley and walked calmly through the wall. He was slightly nervous, but because his mother and brother were watching, he refused to show it and didn't run. Besides, Blacks didn't run. It wasn't proper.

Emerging from the wall, Sirius could barely believe his eyes. There was a huge red train pushing steam and hundreds of people were milling around it. Some were in muggle clothes, others in robes. Walking towards it, Sirius let his eyes wander as he tried to take everything in. Soon his mother and brother appeared behind him and Walburga began directing them towards the train.

"Now then, Sirius. I know you're going to make me and your father proud. The head of Slytherin is Horace Slughorn, and though he is friends with Dumbledore, the old fool, he's from a good bloodline. Make sure to impress him. And remember. You are representing the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. You are the heir. Behave accordingly. Take care who you befriend, always be sure their bloodlines are pure. I will not have you being friends with Mudbloods, Sirius, is that clear?" Walburga lectured.

Sirius, who had zoned out after the first sentence, had no idea what he was agreeing to when he answered.

"Yes mother," he said, already wondering if he would meet some interesting muggle-borns on the train ride.

"Good. Now, go find your cousin and make sure you sit with her," Walburga smiled, happy with her son's obedience.

"Yes mother," Sirius repeated. In truth he had no intention of sitting with Cissa. Even though he liked her, he knew that Cissa would be sitting with a bunch of 5th year Slytherin girls and Sirius didn't really look forward to that.

Giving Regulus one last hug, Sirius got in the train and started dragging his trunk along the corridor. He said hi to some of the kids he knew, like Robert MacMillan and continued looking for an empty compartment. He finally found one and dragged his trunk inside. Once he'd shed his dress shirt and was wearing his Rolling Stones t-shirt, Sirius stuffed his shirt inside the trunk and tried to lift his it up on the luggage rack but failed. After some contemplation, Sirius grinned and took out his wand. Swishing it he said:

"_Wingardium Leviosa_," and levitated the trunk up on the rack.

Happy with his magic Sirius sat down and stared out of the window. The train would be leaving in a couple of minutes and Sirius couldn't wait to get to Hogwarts.

* * *

><p><strong>If anyone's reading this, please let me know what you think, thanks!<strong>


End file.
